Losses and Gains

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice."


I have learned the hard way that you can't be in two places at once, much less three. In the past two years of my life I have missed out on countless births, deaths, graduations, new beginnings, life crisis', and life-long memories of the people that I hold closest to my heart. This is all because I simply can't be in two places at once. This undeniable, unavoidable truth has brought me many tears and struggles. I am faced with the reality that when I go home to be reunited with all the lives that I've been removed from, none of the stories they share with me will involve me. I will have had no physical imprint on their lives for two years. If you've never experienced this kind of loss then you can't possibly understand the hurt and internal struggle it causes for someone. We base so much of who we are off of our relationships and dealings with others. When you lose the connections with people in your life you lose part of your basis for what makes you you, and in turn you go into somewhat of an identity crisis. To fall in line with the line of truths though, is the the truth that says you have to be somewhere. It may not be where you want to be. It may not be where you think you should or need to be. But you have to be somewhere. You can't be nowhere. (I'll revisit this thought in a moment) For now, you have to be somewhere. When removed from your normal situation and surroundings which attribute to who you are, you are placed in a new "somewhere". This new somewhere is now the contributing factor to who you are. (The absence of the "old somewhere" also contributes to who you are, just in a more indirect way.) Yes, the sad reality is that everyone still in your old somewhere continues on with their lives, developing who they are everyday. The only difference is that you no longer have direct influence on that process. Although, your absence may have more influence on someone's life than your presence ever could. Coming back to my statement saying you can't be nowhere; if you were nowhere you'd become nobody. Since nowhere has nothing to contribute to who you are, no outside factors influencing you, changing you, growing you, you would eventually become nobody. Just a hollow shell of human flesh. But since nowhere does not exist, then nobodies don't exist either. If you are somewhere, or should I say BECAUSE you are somewhere, you are somebody. So, here you are, in your new somewhere, absorbing and conforming, learning and growing, based on its influences. I have found that it is quite depressing to dwell on all that you are missing in your old somewhere. That is why I try to focus more on all the new things and people in my current somewhere. One somewhere is not necessarily better than another somewhere, though you may disagree based on limited humanistic insight and standards. No matter which somewhere I'm in, who I am is being affected. I can't put a value on all the experiences that make up me. There will always be a loss for every gain, but more importantly, there will always be a gain for every loss. It is the compilation of gains and losses in our lives that make us who we are. What's more, it is what we do with these gains and losses that determines our character as well as our influence on the people's lives around us. Don't live your life regretting the losses and diminishing the gains. Rather look at your losses as lessons, therefore making them gains. And lastly, rejoice in your gains, never over-looking a blessing that has been given.