an outpouring of thought

Life is hard. Being human has to be the most difficult way to spend time on this earth. In between dealing with schedules, responsibilities, obstacles, and setbacks we are expected to look good, say the right things, and fit in with every other human being trying to do the exact same things. As if all that weren't enough to keep one busy, let's just throw some emotions and free will in the mix to really keep things interesting. Not only your own emotions and free will, but the emotions and free will of every single soul around you and in the rest of the world. To me, this sounds like a recipe for disaster. To God, this is the most beautiful thing ever created. I will never understand this Creator of mine...even still, I will never stop trying.
Why does God see this as beauty? How does he not see the chaos? How can he look past the insanity of it all straight to the heart? As a small, insignificant human looking around me I get so lost and depressed when I see the billions of people in this world. Who am I? Do I matter? Does what I do make a difference? I feel like just a number sometimes. I get so angry sometimes when I think about the simple act of being alive. I didn't choose to be born, yet I was, and now I'm forced to run this race. We all are. We are all running a race...though I see it more as a labrynth that I have to walk through, unsure of what's around the next corner. And then there's God...the all-knowing..all-seeing..all-powerful being that brought me into this place. Though he says he's with me, I don't feel him most of the time. Though he says he loves me, I can't understand why. Though he says I matter, how can I when I am just one in billions? He brought me into this world and tells me I am not of this world and that I don't belong here...yet wants me to spend X amount of years here trying to bring people to Christ so that they can realize they don't belong here eiter...this is crazy. How do you live in a place you don't belong? How do you find happiness in a place that's not your home? This is something I have not figured out yet. The only thing my small human mind can comprehend is that I'm here for a reason. That reason is bigger than me. That reason is God.

My God called Love

Love.
A thing of unutterable beauty.
No man can capture or bottle its power.

No man can fathom its depth.

Its very essence, shrouded in mystery,

yet every soul possesses the capability,
To love.
Born before time, it remains the very reason for our being.
Not able to fit in one of our man-made categories..
Person. Place. Thing. Action.
Transcending all our feeble understandings.
Love simply is...and always has been...and always will be.
It is who we are. It is where we go.
It is what surrounds us. It is what we do.
In it we live and move and have our being.
One might say we are its slaves.
So I willingly serve this god called love,
for its more powerful than any other god I've known.
When other gods have failed me, Love has remained.
So.
I will not serve the god of money,
for money runs out like a dried up stream.
I will not serve the god of lust,

for lust is fleeting and is a breaker of hearts.

I will not serve the gods of jealousy, or anger, laziness, or revenge,
for these are thieves of joy and peace.

And I will not serve the god of self,

for self destroys both body and soul.

No, I have resolved to serve this God called Love and Him alone.
For Love endures and never fails.
Proven time and time again,
my God called Love has defeated all others.
Whatever power they possess, if any power at all,
can not stand in the face of Love.
My master is Love, and I His slave.
My life is ever changing to be more like Love.
He is my reason for breathing, the only reason I need.
For if not for Love, I'd still be dead.
killed by my former gods..
My God called Love rescued me, never to see death again,

and for that I will serve Him forever.

Born to Fly

Ever wish you were a bird? These creatures that God created have hollow bones, beautiful feathers, the ability to make intricate nests using just their beaks, oh yeah...and they can fly. This last characteristic is the one that peaks my interest most. Birds defy gravity in a sense. I was sitting out on the beach today watching some of the birds fly over-head thinking to myself, wow, they seem so free. I'm sure you have thought this same thing at some point in your hectic life. What a joy it would be if I could just be a bird and fly away. Life gets us down doesn't it? Gravity is constantly keeping our feet on the ground. If you jump up, you will come down. If you jump off of a high point, the ground is your destination. I think sin does the same thing to us. It keeps us down. It is constantly pulling on us and we are constantly fighting it. We spend our lives looking up at birds saying, "Oh if only I could fly!" I have news for you, you were born to fly. Of course, not in the literal sense (though that would be sweet!). I mean, our spirits were born, created to fly. Christ has set us free from sin! You are no longer grounded if you are in Christ! Christ has made you a bird at last! Isn't that beautiful?
Now, I must convey to you the second half of my thoughts while sitting on the beach. As I'm sitting there watching the birds, dreaming of what it'd be like to fly, I notice something. The birds are flapping their wings. They have to keep flapping in order to keep flying. Granted, when they catch the wind right they can glide, but for the most part they have to keep flapping. Seems like a lot of work. Same goes for us birds in Christ. Yes, we are free. Yes, we can fly. But we must never stop flapping our wings. Gravity doesn't stop pulling on birds just because they can fly. Sin doesn't stop pulling on Christians just because they are saved. Being a Christian is an everyday effort. It's exhausting at times. Sometimes you feel like you've just flown over the ocean and you want to give your wings a rest. We can't stop flying. Our souls depend on it. Christ is the wind beneath our wings and when we feel like we can't fly any further, he will provide the wind for us to glide. But we can't stop flying.
Next time you see a bird don't sit there wishing you could fly; rejoice in the fact that you can! Christ has made you a bird. Don't let your soul be burdened by the gravity of sin. You were born to fly. Yes, you must flap your wings...but that's just part of flying.
So defy gravity today! Spread your wings! And never stop flying.

Schedule or Spirit

Good morning Reader,
I'm inspired this morning. Inspired to do something...something different. Do you ever get tired of routine? Of the same ol' same ol'? I do. I know what you're thinking..."but kelci, you're in south africa having the craziest adventure of your life! how could you be tired of 'routine'?" Well folks, I've got some news for you, routine is a global thing. I'm not saying routine is all bad. I believe we need some order to our lives. Our God is a God of order for sure. But I also believe our God is a God who rocks the boat...and thoroughly enjoys it! I've been going 3 months strong now here and it's been great, but I feel like there's more to be done. We have our weekly schedule that we stick to. Ministries on this, this and this day. That day is our day off. Church on Sunday of course. Oh and team day on that day. Cool. But what if the Holy Spirit doesn't do schedules? Which do we follow? Schedule or Spirit? I believe this is a huge problem in the churches today. We have our set times for worship. Our set days for specific ministries. Our perfectly planned out evangelistic efforts. We even plan baptisms sometimes! The problem with all this planning is that we get in this mind-set of there being a beginning time and an ending time for our Spiritual life. We think, ok...I've given God His allotted time this week, I can punch my Spiritual time card and go home to relax. What is this?! As if we even had a "spiritual time card"! Brothers and Sisters, we have to learn to be in tune with the Holy Spirit...even when we're not necessarily "on the clock".
Lately I've had this deep longing to start a house church out in one of the townships. (a township is a government given housing area for people who once lived in shacks) Townships are some of the poorest parts of the city. Many people would say that they're some of the most dangerous parts of the city as well. I say they need Christ. I imagine so many possibilities if we were to start a house church out in one. In my short life of being an active disciple of Christ, I've found that the most receptive people are the ones in need. People who aren't in need of physical things usually don't seem to see their need for spiritual things. But people who are in need of physical things usually see their need for the spiritual as well. Think of some of the people that Christ impacted. He almost always addressed a physical need (aka healing of some sort or food), then he would address the spiritual need. Since the people saw his love for them in his caring for their physical needs, they listened to him about their spiritual needs as well. We can do the same thing. Show people we care about them physically, and they will be more likely to receive us when we show concern for them spiritually.

ok, that was a bit of a side point. Back to my desire to start this house church. I truly believe this is the Holy Spirit's leading. The only problem is that it conflicts with my schedule. So I stand at a crossroad. I can either push the idea out of my mind and continue on with my week to week schedule, or I can shake up my schedule and try to follow the leading of the Spirit.
I think I choose the second option.

People, the Spirit works on His own time.

Advisor or Advisee?

There are two types of people in this world: ones who give advice, and ones who ask for advice. Which are you? Maybe you're both. As for me, I'm more of the one who gives advice. I'm not one to ask for advice on issues, I usually just think them through, pray about it, and come to my own conclusion. This has gotten me through almost 21 years of life. Lately I've been going through some rough patches and havn't really been able to put my finger on what it is that's bringing me down. I'm here in this beautiful country doing God's work, yet I'm robbed of all my joy. Now, if you were to come to me with this issue I'd have plenty of advice to give...so why can't I get out of this funk? I was reading through my past blogs and it hit me...I don't take my own advice. As I was reading what I had written months ago, I thought...man this is some good stuff. Now, I don't say that to be prideful and think oh I'm sooo wise. I say that because all those things that I wrote were from God. They were the result of much prayer and study. They were God's advice to me...not my advice to everyone else. Sure I would think about what I was saying, but I guess I just assumed that because it was me writing it that I already had it implemented into my life. I was so very wrong. Many of the things that I've written about are the very issues that I'm dealing with right now. If I would have truly LISTENED to the advice God gave me when he gave it to me instead of letting go into my ears and out through my fingers and onto my blog maybe I wouldn't me in this funk right now. I say all this to get to the point that if you're like me, always being the one giving the advice, take your own advice before you give it to others. Chances are its actually God's advice to you for your own life.

Where You Seek, There You Find

Have you ever looked for God? ...yes
Have you ever asked God the question, "Where are you?"...yes
I found myself asking this very question this morning. Now let me sort this out for you, there are a couple ways to ask this question. It can be asked with the spirit of despair where your soul is crying out "Where are you God? Everything is going wrong and I don't see you anywhere!" or it can be asked with the spirit of "God, where are you? I know you're here, but where would you have me see you? Through what are you revealing yourself to me?"
See the difference?
This morning I was asking the latter of the two. See, back home I knew where I saw God. I saw him in trees and in my family. I saw his love every time a butterfly would pass me. But being in a whole new place I found myself searching for a place to see God on a regular basis. I was searching for a way to see his love revealed to me through something specific to me. I'm not sure if you're following this or not...but stay with me. I would look out at the ocean out my window and think "Is this what you want to use for the next 18 months to remind me of your presence and love?" I would hear no reply. Then I would look into the faces of the children here and ask the same question. No reply. I began to get frustrated saying "I'm in one of the most beautiful places on earth! Where are you God?!"
It wasn't until this morning that I sat down and sincerely spoke with God about the matter. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Where are you God? I know you're here and I'm not doubting your existence, but where are you? Where would you have me find you?
God: Where you seek me.
Me: Really? Is that your answer?
God: Yes.
Me: Why not in like the ocean, or a bird, or even children? Why not something specific and obvious like that?
God: I am there.
Me: But you said where I seek you.
God: You seek me in those places.
Me: Yes.
God: I am there.

and that was it. God has a way of keeping it short and simple yet so full of wisdom.
After this little conversation I felt more at peace about the situation. I was wanting an answer from him that required little effort on my part. Something like, "every time you see a bird, think of me and remember my love." But that's not what God said. He said, seek me and you will find me. hmm sounds familiar yeah?

Matthew 7:7-8 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

So I'm left to seek. Where? Anywhere. Everywhere. He will be there.

Love Never Lasts...Lies!!

What are your thoughts on love? I mean seriously. I'm not talking about like romance or anything like cheesy...i'm talking about true love. I don't know about everyone else, but a lie that I've told myself for a long time is that love never lasts. Where do I get this idea from? Well the same place everyone who has ever been heart broken before gets it from. The way the world treats love is as if its a passing thing. More like a phase or a hobby than a part of life. From the moment we are born we start to create an idea of what love is in our own minds. Over the span of our lives we add to and mold what our idea of love is. After you have been through a series of events in your life: being picked last in grade school, not winning the spelling bee, not having a boyfriend/girlfriend until years after all your friends had, parents getting a divorce, going through countless breakups, watching tv shows about one night stands and summer flings, always listening to what the media tells you about how you should look and never meeting its standards...it doesn't take long for your idea of love to be completely distorted from what God meant for it to be. Since when did we listen to God about everything else in the Bible and believing everything he says other than all those countless verses about love? Oh sure we know about God's love intellectually, but do we know the truth of it down deep in our inmost being? I can answer this one...no. If we truly believed to the core what God tells us...promises us about love, we would never once doubt love in our lives. We would understand what love really is. Not the world's poor excuse for love, but God's perfect, holy, unconditional love.
So what are some things He has told us about love and His love for us?
Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."
1 John 3:1 "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we may be called children of God!"
Romans 5:5 "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
and possibly the most love-packed verse in the whole Bible...John 3:16 "For God SO LOVED the world that he sent his one and only son to die, so that whosoever believes in him will not perish but will have everlasting life."
I could go on and on.
I think it's about time we start BELIEVING what God tells us about love. Stop listening to what the world tells you about love. Stop listening to what you have told yourself about love. Start listening to what God tells you about love...he is love after all.

Hey everyone! So I've been here in South Africa for almost 3 weeks now. It has been an adventure already! Living in America you don't get to see what the rest of the world is REALLY like. Hollywood distorts our view of different cultures and countries. You can't understand fully unless you go to that place and experience it for yourself. Most people, when they think of Africa, they think of The Lion King, or just uncivilized tribal people who are dirt poor. But if you spend more than a day here you will know that thats not at all what Africa is like. True, there are lions and monkeys and giraffes and zebras, but they don't just roam the streets. Most of them are protected in wildlife parks. True, there are a lot of different tribes out in the rural parts of Africa, but they are anything but uncivilized. At times I feel like they have a better grasp on life than I do. And true, Africa is an impoverished country, but they don't see themselves as poor. In many ways they are more blessed than any American I know. They understand the true value of life, even if they don't understand the One who has given them life. But that's what I'm here to do, to tell them about the Creator they already have seen so much of. The people of Africa are loving, vibrant, and so hard working. I have learned so much already just from living in their midst.

In the city where we are living, Port Elizabeth, life is much like life in any other big city in the States. The only difference is people run around barefoot often, they drive on the left side of the road, and almost everyone is bilingual. The ministries that we are involved in on a weekly basis take place in the city. We do things like taking food to the curio vendors, watching kids at the AIDs Haven, serving elderly people at the soup kitchen, and working with the youth at the church. Everywhere you look there is an opportunity to serve. All you need is a willing heart and trust in God.

The next 17 months are sure to hold adventure enough to last a lifetime. God has already shown me so much here and has made me see that I have so much growing to do. I can't wait to see where God takes me in South Africa. Wherever it is I know its going to be amazing.

SHHHH...listen...

Slow down. Whatever you are doing, put it down. Is it just me or are we way too busy these days? Do you ever have trouble just stopping what you're doing so you can simply be? I know I do. With the craziness of my life right now, getting ready to leave for South Africa and all, I don't want to slow down for anything! I can't afford to slow down. I have support to raise, thank you notes to send out, family and friends to have lunch with, team mates to coordinate with, and on top of that I have a spiritual life to upkeep! What do you mean "slow down"?! Well, as I'm sure many of you are aware of, God has a sense of humor that is always attached to a lesson to learn. Here's the sense of humor...I got my wisdom teeth taken out and have been stuck to the couch for almost 3 days now. I know, very funny...I look like a chipmunk. Ok, so here's the lesson attached...I have been forced to slow down, be quiet, and listen to what it is that God has been trying to tell me for months now but could never get a word in edge-wise. For the past few months my mind, body, and soul have been overloaded. As a result of this overload, my relationship with Christ was weakening. Now, don't misunderstand me, Christ never moved. I did. I started taking things into my own hands, saying with my lips that I trust Him but not ever fully letting go of things. I was stubborn and wouldn't listen. I just started this book a few days ago called Walking With God by John Eldridge. I decided to read this book because I knew I was not "walking with God" on a daily basis. The intimacy of my relationship with God was lost. I no longer was walking behind or even beside Him...I was running in front. How could I possibly follow His steps when I can't even see Him in front of me? Something had to change. So, yesterday I was reading this book and it told me to try and ask God the question, "What would you have me read today?" I thought, that's silly, God won't actually tell me what to read. But, I tried it anyways. The passage that I felt drawn to read was 1 Corinthians 3. Go ahead, look it up, it's not exactly the most encouraging passage in the Bible. It starts out by saying that the church members there are worldly! Paul is getting onto them for being worldly instead of spiritual. Then he gets onto them for their pride it seems like. Paul reminds us that we are nothing more than God's servants and God is the only one who makes anything grow. Then, as if that's not enough to think about, Paul finishes it up by saying that if we think we are wise by the world's standards we are fools! And that it is only by becoming a "fool" that we will become wise. Needless to say, this chapter really hit me in the face. God, given the opportunity to speak, definitely pointed out a few weaknesses in my life right now. All I had to do was be quiet and simply ask Him what He needed to tell me. Then I had to have an open heart to hear Him right and make the changes I needed to. God speaks through His Word. We know that. But when was the last time you opened it up and simply asked God to teach you something? Psalm 119 is an entire chapter all about the Word and how powerful it is. Let it be powerful in your life. SHHHH....just listen....

Imago Dei

Ever feel not good enough? Ever feel like everyone you walk by is secretly judging you and your appearance? Ever feel like God didn't put as much time and care into making you as He did other "better looking" or "more talented" people? I know I have. I'm pretty sure we're all guilty. It's not been til just recently (the past 6 months) that I have felt completely confident in my appearance without any makeup or hairspray. I'm somewhat ashamed to say that it has taken me almost 20 years to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not criticize and pick apart my image. This breaks God's heart. In Genesis 1:27 it says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." The translation of "the image of God" in Greek is Imago Dei. This beautiful phrase reminds me that I am not a creation to be criticized, looked down on, or dismissed as unimportant. I am a creation to be proud of, loved, and one that is priceless. The Psalmist so perfectly writes in Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Who are we to try and tell God that His creation is not good enough! We are fearfully and wonderfully made! How cool is that?! With God's own hands he knit us together in our mother's womb. Wow. Did you know that nothing else in all of creation is made Imago Dei? Not the beautiful sunsets, huge ocean, or countless trees. Nothing else is made in the image of God. That is a humbling thought to me. Then I think about Christ. Christ did not die for a bunch of nobodies. He died for precious, priceless somebodies. You being one of them. He knows our inmost being better than we know ourselves and he still loves us. God is the only one who can tell me who I am, what I am, whose I am, and what I'm worth. NO ONE ELSE. ...not even me... I know it's easier said than done...but I would encourage you to start changing your attitude about yourself if its not the right attitude for someone who has been created Imago Dei. That doesn't mean be arrogant, it just means take pride in the fact that you are God's perfect creation who he loves unconditionally. Don't criticize God's artwork. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Even When It's Not Shining...

Well, here it is...2011. New year. Same people. New challenges. Same God.
The thing about new years that gets me is how people use this time as a time
to say...ok, now I'm going to change. Why? Why do people need an excuse
such as a new year to start to make a change in their lives? I'm not saying
it's a bad time to do it, I just don't see the difference in doing it on January 1st
as opposed to August 17, or June 3. I say all this to say, don't wait to change.
Don't wait to answer God's call. The only excuse you need is, "because it's what
God wants."
Ok, that's all I'm gonna say about that. The other thing I was thinking about on
this first morning of 2011 came about when I woke up this morning to watch the
first sunrise of the new year. I was so excited to sit with some hot chocolate, camera in hand, to watch a beautiful sunrise grace the fresh 2011 sky. I even woke up at 7 when I didn't go to bed til 3! Well my friends, I must say I was quite disappointed at first when after 30 minutes of waiting all I saw was the gloomy grey sky of a winter morning. Where was the sun?! Didn't God realize that it was a NEW YEAR?! An occasion worthy of a beautiful sunrise in my opinion. But no matter how long I sat there with my hot chocolate, I was not going to get my sunrise. At first this whole thing made me rather upset...I mean I woke up early for this! But then as I started praying for my upcoming year I thought about a quote I heard once and now keep on a mirror in my bedroom. It goes like this, "I believe in the sun even when it's not shining, in love even when I'm alone, and God even when he is silent." The cool thing is that
this was said by a Holocaust victim!! Needless to say, I was humbled. Do I believe in the sun even when it's not shining? Of course! Do I believe in love even when I'm alone? Well yeah! Do I truly believe in God, even when he is silent?....hmmm....this one isn't as easy to answer. Oh sure, I love God when good things are happening in my life..that's easy. But what about when a family member or friend dies? Or when I lose my job? Or when my boyfriend
breaks up with me? What about then? Does God suddenly cease to exist? Of course not, friends. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." So can I even call it "faith" if I believe in God when I can see Him working? Or is faith what we have when everything around us is saying there is no God, yet we choose to believe and trust in Him still? I think that's a little more accurate. This is a lesson
that I've heard and experienced many times, but can never be reminded of enough.
So how does all this relate to the new year? Well, the way I think of it is that even though it's a new year, I'm the same person. I'm going to make mistakes. Even though I will continually pursue perfection, I will not achieve it...not in 2011, not next year, not ever. And even though there are new challenges, I have the same God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. This year is going to bring blessings and tears. There will be days where
I'll be basking in the sun's rays, but there will also be others where I can't see the sun at all. The question is, what will I do with those days?
My new year's resolution is to believe in the sun, EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT SHINING.