Losses and Gains

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice."


I have learned the hard way that you can't be in two places at once, much less three. In the past two years of my life I have missed out on countless births, deaths, graduations, new beginnings, life crisis', and life-long memories of the people that I hold closest to my heart. This is all because I simply can't be in two places at once. This undeniable, unavoidable truth has brought me many tears and struggles. I am faced with the reality that when I go home to be reunited with all the lives that I've been removed from, none of the stories they share with me will involve me. I will have had no physical imprint on their lives for two years. If you've never experienced this kind of loss then you can't possibly understand the hurt and internal struggle it causes for someone. We base so much of who we are off of our relationships and dealings with others. When you lose the connections with people in your life you lose part of your basis for what makes you you, and in turn you go into somewhat of an identity crisis. To fall in line with the line of truths though, is the the truth that says you have to be somewhere. It may not be where you want to be. It may not be where you think you should or need to be. But you have to be somewhere. You can't be nowhere. (I'll revisit this thought in a moment) For now, you have to be somewhere. When removed from your normal situation and surroundings which attribute to who you are, you are placed in a new "somewhere". This new somewhere is now the contributing factor to who you are. (The absence of the "old somewhere" also contributes to who you are, just in a more indirect way.) Yes, the sad reality is that everyone still in your old somewhere continues on with their lives, developing who they are everyday. The only difference is that you no longer have direct influence on that process. Although, your absence may have more influence on someone's life than your presence ever could. Coming back to my statement saying you can't be nowhere; if you were nowhere you'd become nobody. Since nowhere has nothing to contribute to who you are, no outside factors influencing you, changing you, growing you, you would eventually become nobody. Just a hollow shell of human flesh. But since nowhere does not exist, then nobodies don't exist either. If you are somewhere, or should I say BECAUSE you are somewhere, you are somebody. So, here you are, in your new somewhere, absorbing and conforming, learning and growing, based on its influences. I have found that it is quite depressing to dwell on all that you are missing in your old somewhere. That is why I try to focus more on all the new things and people in my current somewhere. One somewhere is not necessarily better than another somewhere, though you may disagree based on limited humanistic insight and standards. No matter which somewhere I'm in, who I am is being affected. I can't put a value on all the experiences that make up me. There will always be a loss for every gain, but more importantly, there will always be a gain for every loss. It is the compilation of gains and losses in our lives that make us who we are. What's more, it is what we do with these gains and losses that determines our character as well as our influence on the people's lives around us. Don't live your life regretting the losses and diminishing the gains. Rather look at your losses as lessons, therefore making them gains. And lastly, rejoice in your gains, never over-looking a blessing that has been given.

Broken People

I just finished reading a really good book called Wisdom Hunter. It was quite thought provoking I must say. One of the main messages I got from the book was this: there are broken people all around us who need God, but many times the facade that many Christians put up pushes these broken people away. We try to look like polished, got-it-all-together type of people. If we are honest with ourselves, we are all once broken people. The only difference between Christians and the rest of the world is that Christ the Carpenter of Lives has repaired our brokenness. Us as Christians have exactly what is needed to cure a broken life...yet many times we are so consumed with our own lives and struggles and junk that we turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to the thousands and thousands of people crying out around us. I'm not minimizing anyone's battles, I understand that life is hard, but one thing I've found is that my problems seem less earth shattering when I focus on other people. When my thoughts are turned outward to others, my ears are opened to their stories and pleas for help, and my eyes opened to the opportunities God provides for healing, the less I worry about the things that plague my own life. I'm going to commit to being more observant of people. Everywhere I go I will look for signs of brokenness. I will tune my ears to hear the cries for help. And I will offer the hand that could be the hand that saves a life. A person who is dying inside can be walked passed hundreds of times in a day because people's eyes are closed. They have tunnel vision. Their focus is on their schedules, their hobbies, their objectives...I don't want to have tunnel vision. I want to have world wide vision. Christ's vision was perfect. 20/20. He was constantly attentive to the people around him...so much so that he would lose sleep over it. One of the most beautiful characteristics that God put in humans is the ability to empathize with each other. Don't waste this gift. All of the experiences in your life can be used to encourage, relate, and empathize with someone else experiencing the same thing. Use whatever pain you've endured to comfort someone else. Don't waste the pain and hardships that have molded you into who you are...given you wisdom that can be passed down.
Everyone has a story. Tell people yours, and let them tell you theirs. I think if we all do this we will find that the phrase "no one understands what I'm going through" is a statement that could be removed from everyone's vocabulary.