Change.

Over the past four months I have been increasingly changing from a lukewarm Christian, to one who runs to the frontline. Since that change has been so gradual, I didn't notice how much I had changed until I came home. Home is where the old me lives. All my old habits, ways of thinking, ways I spent my time, where I went, how I talked, just how I lived...it's all at home. Not that I was a terrible person 4 months ago, I just wasn't the person God desired me to be...and honestly not the person I desired to be. So coming home has been weird for me. It's kinda like that whole trying to fit a square peg in a round hole concept. It's a tough fit. Now, I know that home will always be home, but I'm just having a hard time figuring how to be the new me in an old home. I fight the instinct to be who I was 4 months ago. I know the good I ought to do...but find it so hard to do it. Ever been there? It makes me think of Paul...his conversion was so drastic a change from his old self that I wonder if he ever fought the instinct to do the things he did before he became a Christian. I mean, his change was practically instantaneous...mine has taken place over the course of 4 months...it had to be hard for him. But it also gives me courage to see that Paul never went back to his old self. He knew who he was and why he was put on earth and he didn't let anything stop him. I know that I need to have that same attitude. I can deny it all I want...but honestly I know who I am and why I'm here...the question stands, what will I let stop me? My prayer is that I won't let anything stop me, not even my past. It's not an easy road and there's so much change that takes place along the way...every now and again we get put back into an old, familiar setting, so we can see the change in us and make it a reality in our minds. Now that I'm undeniably aware of the drastic change that has taken place in me, I can accept it, rejoice in it, and continue to move forward, never taking my eyes off of the One who I'm going to.

In the Eyes of the Creator

Have you ever read the story of Hosea? If not, it's pretty much about a man who is told by God to marry a prostitute woman. She continues to be unfaithful to Hosea throughout their entire marriage, but Hosea has to take her back every time. He buys her back off the auction block every time! God uses this to illustrate how he feels when we are unfaithful to him. His love is unconditional, but it hurts him so deeply when we prostitute ourselves. So I find myself asking, "Why do you buy me back off the auction block every time? How can you love me so much?" I guess it's how kind of like when I put my heart and soul into creating a piece of art. I think it's beautiful and perfect, but somehow it gets torn, stained, and broken. Do I just toss it in the trash? No! It's my precious creation! When I look at it I don't see the imperfections it has accumulated over time; I see it in the way I created it, perfect. I remember what it was before it was destroyed by outside forces...perfect. I am its creator, no matter how disgusting and tore up it gets, I'll still love it. I am its creator, I can fix anything that has happened to it. When I do, its as if it was never broken or stained. It is perfect. That's how it is with God. I am his perfect creation. Though beaten, stained, broken, and torn by the world, in his eyes I am beautiful and flawless because every tear, scratch, stain, and crack was fixed once and for all when he sent his son. I am truly a loved masterpiece.